Research-based couples therapy that gets lasting results in less time.
My approach is rooted in the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, which views each partner not as “broken” or “the problem,” but as a person who adapted to early experiences in the best way they could. Thinking developmentally means we don’t pathologize your reactions; we identify your growth edge. Every conflict, shutdown, or flare of defensiveness becomes an opportunity to understand what lies beneath and to grow beyond old survival strategies.
Most couples come in caught in a trigger loop-the moment when one partner’s core wound activates and the other’s protective strategy responds. This cycle can keep you stuck in blame, frustration, or distance. By helping you identify the deeper pain and protection driving these reactions, you learn to stop taking each other’s behavior so personally. You begin to see that your partner isn’t your enemy; they’re just protecting a younger, more vulnerable part of themselves that needs safety, not criticism.
Over time, this work strengthens your internal capacities: emotional regulation, self-awareness, and secure functioning, so you become less dependent on external conditions to feel okay. Just like a mammal maintains a steady body temperature regardless of the weather, you learn to stay grounded and connected even when things around you heat up or cool down. Instead of relying on your partner’s mood or reactions to regulate your own, you develop the stability and resilience to stay centered, which is the foundation of true intimacy and lasting change.
When Growth Stalls: The Push and Pull Between Connection and Independence
Couples move through a predictable series of developmental stages in their relationship, and trouble often arises when they get stuck between them. The most common place couples get caught is in the tension between connection and autonomy-wanting closeness but fearing the loss of self. When partners lack the internal capacities to stay grounded, calm, curious, and open in those moments, they become reactive instead. One reaches for the other while the other pulls away, and the trigger loop begins. Therapy helps each person strengthen the internal resources needed to tolerate differences, stay emotionally regulated, and engage from their wise, adult self. As those capacities grow, partners can step out of reactivity and move through challenges in ways that feel balanced and mutually satisfying.