Same fight, different day? I get it. Most couples find themselves stuck in what feels like a repetitive argument. What’s really happening is that two intelligent, protective parts of you are trying to keep you safe using strategies that worked beautifully in childhood, but now backfire in your marriage. Each of us develops a dominant protective pattern. These patterns are not flaws; they’re brilliant survival strategies that helped you stay connected when connection once felt risky.

When those old strategies get activated, partners end up reacting from history instead of the present moment, and their protective patterns collide, creating what I call the Trigger Loop. I help couples identify which protective pattern is running the show and uncover the original wound beneath it, so they can move from reactivity to repair, from protecting connection to actually experiencing it, without losing themselves in the process.